Psychotherapist: These are the eight “hard truths” that will improve your life, even if they are not easy to hear: “It’s you, not them”
- The therapist said that many of their problems are caused by people
- He believes they do this because they are ‘looking for suffering’
A licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert has revealed the eight hard truths that will “improve your life,” even though they may be challenging to hear.
Todd Baratz, who lives in New York and is a licensed psychologist, said the facts emphasize that many of his clients’ life problems are caused or perpetuated by their own behavior.
He has found that his clients are often subconsciously “seeking pain and suffering” as a result of trauma and reenacting childhood experiences.
“Instead of feeling shame, we should focus on learning new things to break these patterns and work towards creating a more fulfilling life,” he advised.
Certified sex therapist and relationship expert, Todd Baratz, (pictured) has revealed the eight hard truths that will “improve your life” if you accept them
The first hard life truth he shared was that when relationships don’t work, it’s often your fault: “It’s not you.”
He explained that if people keep falling into the same unsatisfying relationship patterns, it’s probably because they’re pursuing it.
“Stop blaming others and take responsibility for the part you play in these relationships,” Todd said.
The second hard truth is that “you don’t need your parents’ approval” to live.
Todd explained that the constant seeking of approval prevents people from feeling confident and satisfied. Instead, they should let it go and mourn “the loss of the implicit fact that they never got it.”
The sex therapist surprised many of his followers with the fact that their partner doesn’t have to meet all of their needs, as this desire can actually be an unhealthy way to play out trauma or “age” them.
Eight hard truths for life according to Todd Baratz
1. It’s not you – if you keep falling into the same unsatisfying relationship patterns, it’s probably because you’re pursuing it.
2. You don’t need your parent’s approval – constantly seeking the approval prevents you from feeling confident and content, instead you need to let it go and grieve “the loss of implicit in never being able to get it.”
3. Your partner doesn’t have to meet all of your needs – this desire may, in fact, be an unhealthy way to play out a trauma or “age” your partner.
4. Stop over-analyzing other people – instead focus on whether and why you like them when they don’t show you enough attention.
5. Set Better Boundaries – If your boundaries are repeatedly being broken, the problem is probably with you and not the other person.
6. Let go of the Disney fantasy – stop looking for ‘the one’.
7. Stop living in denial – accept that you care about things that affect you.
8. Stop avoiding people – spending so much time alone may be due to avoiding other people, rather than actually wanting to be alone.
(Source: Todd Baratz)
“Real strength and growth comes from changing yourself and not demanding that your partner fulfill all of your needs,” he explained.
He also advised people to “stop over-analyzing other people” and ask themselves if they are liked. He said you should instead focus on “if and why you like them.”
Another important point was the need to ‘set better boundaries’.
Todd explained that if boundaries are repeatedly crossed, the problem is probably with “you and not the other person.”
“What’s stopping you from feeling empowered enough to set and strengthen your boundaries?” he asked.
Another hard truth was that many people need to “let go of the Disney fantasy” and stop looking for “the one.”
“You’re not looking for the perfect bag, you’re looking for co-intimacy with a human being,” he advised.
The expert also urged people to “stop living in denial” by pretending they don’t care about things that affect them.
“You simply don’t feel powerful and confident enough to give yourself permission to communicate or go after your desires,” he explained.
The last truth he shared, which struck a chord with many, was that maybe spending so much time alone is because they avoid other people, rather than really wanting to be alone.
‘That last one is hard,’ said a woman after seeing the advice.
‘Sjes. The truth I needed to be told. Thanks for the reality check,” said another.
However, several struggled to accept that the problem could be them instead of their partner.
“No, but it really is them,” said one woman.