A psychologist has revealed eight behaviors that seem like kindness, but can actually please people.
The behavior includes overly apologizing and taking responsibility for other people’s feelings.
Birmingham-based chartered psychologist Dr Lalitaa Suglani took to Instagram, where she has more than 112,000 followers, to share information on the subject in a recent after.
The psychologist accompanied her post with an elaborate caption, in which she clearly outlined the distinction between being nice and pleasing people.
She explained that pleasing people “is not the same as genuine niceness and kindness.”
According to a psychologist who listed some of the behaviors, it’s easy to mistake some people’s behavior for just being nice.
According to Dr. Lalitaa, this is because “being nice is a form of self-expression.”
Instead, she writes, “Pleasing people is fundamentally dependent behavior.”
Dr. Lalitaa shares signs that people please
1. You tend to over-apologise.
2. You find it hard to say no.
3. You don’t speak up when your feelings are hurt.
4. You keep changing to better accommodate others.
5. You are there for everyone but yourself.
6. You feel uncomfortable with conflict.
7. You take responsibility for the feelings of others.
8. You constantly seek external validation.
She goes on to explain, “I wanted to share this to raise awareness of the difference between pleasing people and being ‘nice’ or ‘nice’.
In the post, she listed eight people who exhibit behaviors they could be confused with be nice’.
The first behavior mentioned was a tendency to apologize too much.
Similarly, it’s hard to say no when people like second-person behavior that can seem like just being nice.
The third behavior mentioned by the psychologist is not speaking when your feelings are hurt.
Similarly, another behavior that Dr. Lalitaa says seems nice but could be a sign that people are having a good time can change to be more and more accommodating to others.
Another behavior to get on the list was being there for everyone, while not being there for yourself.
And another item on the list was that you were uncomfortable with conflict.
Taking responsibility for other people’s feelings was the seventh sign to take a place on the list.
Meanwhile, as the eighth sign, the psychologist cited the constant search for external validation.
Concluding the caption accompanying the post, Dr Lalitaa wrote: “Keep in mind that I also want you to know that you can unlearn pleasant behaviors.
“This doesn’t define you.”
Tons of people took to the comments section and revealed their own experiences with people pleasing behavior.
One commenter wrote, “If you can’t say no, you feel guilty and ashamed if you have to and want to set this boundary, so don’t say it… and just become a ‘yes’ person.” To completely exhaust yourself physically and mentally.’
People took to the comment section of the post to share their thoughts on people pleasing, as well as their own experiences
Addressing another point on the list, another commenter added, “Seeking external validation is a killer. After all, it leads to lower self-esteem and shame.
Meanwhile, another Instagram user wrote, “There’s a clear difference between genuine kindness and people-pleasing, so true.”
And another chimed in and said, “Guilty as charged for every point made.”
On the other hand, people went to the comments section to express how useful they found the information.
They wrote: “Thanks for summarizing, always helps to understand yourself better.”