This is the dating mistake you need to stop doing now, writes JANA HOCKING, who says she thought everyone knew about the “shocking” rule by now: “It’s not cheating, get with the times”
- Jana Hocking says everyone should date multiple people
- You no longer have to share that they are not the ‘only one’
- “You get to judge who you have the best chemistry with”
Here I plodded through life thinking everyone was aware of the one major change in the dating game that isn’t often talked about but is very widely accepted.
So imagine my surprise when I take my family out to dinner for my mom’s birthday and she looks shocked, shocked, and a little shocked as my brothers and I discussed it very casually.
Now full disclosure, having raised a daughter who now writes a sometimes raunchy dating column, it takes a lot to shock my mother (even if she swears black and blue she knows she reads my column longer because it’s ‘too honest ‘ is).
But here we were eating and she looked like we had announced something ridiculous.
What we were talking about was a dilemma that one of our friends was facing.
Jana Hocking says it’s totally normal to date several people at once when you’re just starting out: “I thought everyone knew that?”
He’d divorced a year ago, jumped on the apps with gusto, and was dating up a storm.
We’re talking three dates a week, minimum.
But recently, he’s discovered that he’s now really into one of the women he’s been casually dating and was wondering how to tell the others. He wanted to let them know that he couldn’t see them anymore because he had decided to get serious with this lucky lady and wanted to know if it was ok to do it over text or if he should call them.
The shocking thing about this scenario wasn’t the whole text or call dilemma, though side note: I’d say text always trumps a phone call (especially if it’s just casual). It’s just much less uncomfortable.
No, no, that wasn’t the thing that baffled my mom, it was that he dated several women at the same time. Umm…yeah…that’s everyone.
Jana Hocking: Why it’s a great idea to date several people at once
1. You get to test who you have the best chemistry with
2. It’s a numbers game! Just because your heart flutters for someone doesn’t mean they feel the same way. So why not throw yourself into many dates and find your perfect match
3. You’re less likely to settle. You know the feeling, you’re ready to get married, maybe the months are getting colder and you’re taking everyone out to cuddle at night. No, options mean you won’t just settle for a Tom, Dick or Harry
4. You don’t focus on just one poor sucker, and put all your energy into turning them into your dream partner. You have a lot of distractions to keep from getting a little too eager and thirsty. You don’t have to wait by the phone for their next text, you’re busy
5. You can enjoy that great feeling when you and the person you’re casually dating decide to stop seeing other people and jump off the apps. You are the chosen one. Chicken dinner winner winner
This trend is no longer associated with love rats, no no. It is actually widely accepted and encouraged. I would even go as far as saying that everyone is ethically non-monogamous on their first to five dates
This trend is no longer associated with love rats, no no. It is actually widely accepted and encouraged. I would even go as far as saying that everyone is ethically non-monogamous on their first to five dates.
Let’s face the facts, we all talk to several people at once on the dating apps. Go for a coffee with one, maybe an after-work drink with the other, and if you’re particularly successful with the apps, maybe even go for a brisk Sunday walk with another.
Very very normal, very ordinary.
My mother’s reaction was so extreme that I thought about it… are there still people who date the old-fashioned way? I decided to run the theory with a guy I had a first date with this week.
I explained my mom’s reaction when she found out that people date multiple people at once, and he immediately agreed and told me that he had a Facetime date the night before our first date.
Keep up with the times folks! This dating train isn’t waiting at the station, and you have to be on it to win it
Was I upset? No. Was I surprised, not at all. I think it’s safe to assume that someone you’re going on a date with is most likely also chatting with other people.
But you see, it hasn’t always been this way, so I understand why people new to the dating scene after being coupled up for a long time might find it quite confronting.
In the 80s, 90s, and maybe even the 00s, most people dated one person at a time. One date leads to two, two can lead to three, and then you start thinking a little more seriously about where the relationship is going. If you didn’t feel it, you would pick them and start dating someone new. Only to repeat the cycle until you find your forever person.
That seems like such a waste of good time. I say go out, meet a variety of interesting people and see who your heart finally settles on.
Keep up with the times folks! This dating train isn’t waiting at the station, and you have to be on it to win it.